By Gyneth Turner, Respite and Respitality Coordinator
My overnight bag is packed; I hope I remembered to pack at least a spare pair of undies and my book. I can always grab a toothbrush from hotel housekeeping, right? I send a quick text to the babysitter to check her ETA. I am counting the minutes now…
I wanted to check-in early, but my son’s inhalers are suddenly MIA – missing in action. There is no way I can leave him with a babysitter overnight and not have at least two on hand. So maybe the hotel will offer a late check-out? I make the required trip to the pharmacy.
The list of necessary reminders is on the fridge, I have also texted the list to Amanda, but the handwritten one on the fridge is the back-up in case her phone battery dies. I’m all about the back-up, I have Plan B’s for everything. The list is next to the list of primary phone numbers for her to call if she needs help, but mine is the one at the top, and to be honest, I want her to call me first. I must be there if my son has a problem. There is a good chance that I will get called and need to come home.
John’s dinner is in the fridge, along with snacks, breakfast, and tomorrow’s lunch. I know that Amanda could prepare it for him, but I just have not had the time to show her how, so I did it last night at around midnight. John has so many life-threatening allergies and food aversions that crafting the meals he needs is time-consuming and challenging. He has a gruelling surgery in three weeks, and it is important that he does not lose any more weight.
I am so pleased that John is crazy about Amanda! For the first time since his 6 month stint at Vancouver Children’s Hospital 2 years ago, he is ok with being away from me overnight. Being a single parent means that I am always “on duty.” Being John’s single parent means I am responsible for keeping him alive. It sounds dramatic, and of course, all parents are responsible for keeping their kids alive. For John and I the difference is that his allergies could kill him, an asthma attack could kill him, a seizure could kill him. He needs constant vigilance, medications & interventions to prevent his death – 24/7.
A soft knock at the door and Yay! Amanda has arrived! John looks at me, and we communicate without words, I kiss his forehead, “love you,” I say. Ten minutes of chat with Amanda later and I am in my car.
My Night Out
No phone call comes from Amanda.
I sip red wine in a bubble bath, I watch a movie, I remembered my toothbrush, I read my book. Best of all, I sleep all night with no interruptions in a king size bed with fresh sheets. I open my gift basket and play solitaire with a deck of cards, I eat one of the Rogers’ Chocolates – maple nut. I sleep in and order room service breakfast; they even put a rose on the little service table. I read some more, I call home, everything is fine they tell me, they are having fun, don’t rush home. I check-out early in the afternoon and drive home, stopping for gas and groceries. I plan to make a favourite of John’s for dinner, it’s one of my favourites too.
It was only one night, but I feel refreshed and ready to face another day… week … month of caregiving for my precious son.
To learn more about the Cridge Respitality program and ways to help visit http://cridge.org/rr/respitality/
Written by Marlene Goley.
Kathy is a wise and creative social work student who did her 4th-year practicum at Cridge Transition House for Women. She observed all the residents working hard to get housing applications done, applying for income assistance, dealing with lawyers and the legal system, and doing the millions of other tasks needed to launch a new life free of violence. Kathy observed how hard staff were working to keep everyones’ To Do List updated and being immersed in all the busyness. With her fresh perspective, she also saw what was missing – taking a little time to appreciate and encourage each other. That’s when the Heart Attacks started.
Each week, Kathy cut out paper hearts and chose which resident most needed a Heart Attack. Then she handed out the paper hearts to all the other residents and staff and asked us to write a little note of encouragement or appreciation on our hearts. She gathered them all up and then taped them to the recipient’s bedroom door. Each recipient was delighted to see her door covered in hearts and read all the uplifting and encouraging messages. The hearts remained on the door until the resident left, taking her hearts with her.
Kathy successfully completed her practicum in early July. Responsibility for the Heart Attacks has been eagerly taken on by one of our amazing volunteers. We are so grateful to Kathy for all she did during her practicum, not the least of which was reminding us how important it is to take a moment to appreciate each other.
Some heart attacks do not require our CPR skills – just a bit of construction paper and a few kind words.
Learn more about the Cridge Transition House for Women.
Submitted by Janelle Breese Biagioni
Although Matthew Jack looks serious in this photo, his smile will light up a room. Matt began working in the kitchen at The Cridge Centre for the Family in February 2018. His journey to get here was challenging.
On September 30, 2008, Matt was walking to work at the Embassy Inn. It was only his third day on the job as a cook. Prior to this job, Matt had worked as a Sous Chef at the Sticky Wicket for 9.5 years. While walking, Matt suddenly suffered a generalized tonic-clonic seizure and fell to the curb, hitting the back of his head. The hit to Matt’s head resulted in an epidural hematoma (collection of blood that puts pressure on the brain). Matt underwent surgery that day to remove the hematoma. On October 1st, Matt underwent a second craniotomy because of oozing and blood collecting again.
The road to recovery was long. Matt was in a coma for three weeks. When he woke up, his mom was there, and it was the week before his birthday. Although Matt was in and out of consciousness, he recognized the ICU and remembered thinking he was back in “the fishbowl”. At 5 years of age, Matt underwent surgery to treat an abnormal connection between the esophagus and the trachea called a tracheoesophageal fistula. Matt suffered many bouts of pneumonia growing up, so hospital stays in the ICU were not unfamiliar to him.
Over the next three months, Matt worked hard to recover. He suffered from short-term memory, attention, and concentration issues. His balance was impaired, and he struggled with fatigue and word-finding. On Christmas Eve in 2008, Matt was discharged and went home to his family.
Matt’s family is a very close and loving group. He is one of 9 children. Matt’s brother stepped in and found Matt a new place to live which is close to Victoria General Hospital. He and his cat still live in this unit. Matt’s brother lives close by, so he gets to help with his nieces and nephews and help with chores like cutting the grass for his brother and sister-in-law.
Matt knew he wanted to return to cooking. Leonard Regan from Infocus Rehabilitation Services was working with Matt and knew of the Kale King project at the Cridge. With the blessing of Chef Nik, survivors in the Cridge Brain Injury Services adapted Chef Nik’s much-loved Flourless Chocolate Fudge Cookies to include kale to sell at outdoor markets. Leonard made the introduction and Matt joined the team. Not only did Matt become a star baker for the team, he went on to help prepare, cook and serve meals in the Breakfast and Lunch Programs for the Cridge Daycare and Pacific Christian School.
When asked what attracted him to cooking, Matt replied, “I knew since Grade 5 that I wanted to be a cook. At school, we had to do a project that showed what we wanted to do when we left school. I joined in with a group to make chocolate chip cookies. I think I wanted to be in the group because of the number of girls (insert impish grin) but it also sounded like fun. When I came home from school that day, I told my mom that I wanted to bake cookies for the rest of my life. My mom says I was always in the kitchen after that.”
Although our cookie and food program team were sad to see Matt move on, everyone knew Matt could do more and if he stayed where he was, he wouldn’t reach his maximum potential. When a job as the cook came up in the Cridge kitchen, Matt jumped at the chance to apply.
“I love working at the Cridge. I get to do a lot of different things: cooking, baking, and organizing. I also get to be creative and have input. For example, if my duties for the day are making the vegetables, I can prep and cook them any way that I want. I like that.”
Matt sees himself staying with the Cridge for a long time; however, he holds a dream very close to his heart. Matt would like to open his own place and call it Think Café. His menu will be designed to provide the best nutritional sources of fuel for a person’s brain!
Submitted by Marlene Goley, the Manager of Cridge Transition House and Outreach Services.
A woman at Cridge Transition House for Women told a story about when she was a little girl she would tell anyone that asked, that she wanted to be a rocket ship. At first, she was not deterred by adults telling her how impossible this was. But as she grew up, she did abandon her dream as the realities of a difficult childhood and then an emotionally precarious marriage consumed her.
When she came to Cridge Transition House, she was afraid and hopeless. After a few weeks of feeling safe and supported, the memory of wanting to be a rocket ship came back to her. She excitedly reclaimed that powerful feeling of zooming to the stars. For the first time in a long time, she felt in control of her life. She started making plans to go back to school and imagining what her life could become. In her words, she found her “muchness”.
Being a rocket ship can have some setbacks but this amazing woman showed us how it’s done!
Story by Dale Breese.
Toni came in today to pick up her paycheque. She was a client that Cridge Brain Injury Services supported over a year ago. She told me how much she is loving the cooking program with us. She is doing the hot lunches in the school and will be moving over to the markets this summer. When Toni wakes up each morning, the first thing she thinks about is cooking. She is loving every day!
The most amazing part about this story is that when I met her, her #1 goal was to start cooking meals. She had never cooked a meal since her stroke. She had lost her sense of smell and experienced double vision and was too afraid to cook in case she couldn’t smell it burning or she left the oven on. Now, Toni wakes up thinking about cooking every day. We are so proud of her!
When Mike finally got his pink slip at work, he wasn’t surprised but he was devastated. He knew that he wasn’t able to do his job properly since his car accident 10 months ago. He knew his time there was coming to an end, however, it didn’t make the blow any easier to take. That was what his last few months had been like – one blow after another. His job was just the last in a long line of losses: his wife and kids, his home, his friends… everything was lost. He knew that he had changed after the accident – he just couldn’t manage things like he used to and it was so frustrating. So scary. So confusing. Mike sat at the bus stop and tried to figure out what he was going to do next – how would he survive? Who would help him get his life back?
The answer is simple: The Cridge Centre.
Mike’s brain injury is unique to him, and yet his story is common. Survivors of brain injury suffer from a physical injury that often results in a string of losses: home, relationships, employment, and sense of self. These losses can result in mental health issues, poverty, addiction and criminal behaviour. Unless Mike receives some support, he will likely end up on the streets, as another homeless person.
The Cridge Brain Injury Services has been supporting survivors of brain injury for the past 25 years, preventing homelessness one life at a time. We provide housing, support, community engagement and the opportunity for retraining and employment.
Your support provides survivors of brain injury with the opportunity to re-engage in their lives and community, to be healthy and productive members of our city and to find dignity and respect.
When Fahad and Mara arrived in Victoria, their faces were blank with exhaustion. The endless flights combined with 2 sick children, had sucked all emotion from their bodies. Or was it the years of fleeing war, of refugee camps, of fear and desperation? Their physical bodies had arrived in their new home, but their hearts had been broken and left behind in their home country. Picking up the pieces and starting over seemed like an insurmountable task. Where would they live? Would they be accepted? Would there be work and a community for them? How would they learn a new language and support their children in becoming Canadians? Who would help them with all these challenges?
The answer is simple: The Cridge Centre.
Over the years we have welcomed many families like Fahad and Mara’s – families that have faced incredible violence, fear, and deprivation. We have seen the brokenness and have welcomed them into our community, providing a home, support and a place to belong. Slowly, over time, we see them healing, learning and finding hope.
One of the first opportunities we offer our refugee families is to have their children placed in our childcare. It gives the parents the chance to concentrate on their mountain of tasks and allows the children a safe and welcoming place to play, learn a new language, and become integrated into Canadian culture. Very often the children learn to speak English first and then help their parents to learn as well. As the children play and make friends, the healing begins. As the parents see their children adapt, hope begins.
Your support is giving hope to a family – and healing the broken pieces.
Jenna was more afraid than she had ever been before. Sitting in her car, with her 18-month-old daughter in the back seat at 2 am was not where she wanted to be. Her partner had finally fallen asleep so she was able to grab her daughter and quietly escape the apartment without waking him. Her head was still aching from when he slammed her against the wall… the beating was worse than it had ever been before. What will she do now? Where will she go? How will she support her daughter? How will she ever be safe again? Who will help her?
Jenna’s story is not unusual or even particularly brutal. We meet many “Jennas” who come to us with nothing but the clothes on their backs, afraid and desperate. Sometimes the stories are much worse. The threads that run through the stories are the hopelessness and desperation: WHO WILL HELP?
The answer is simple: THE CRIDGE CENTRE.
Not only will Jenna and her daughter be safe in our transition house, but our staff will also help her develop a safety plan and find housing. Her daughter will have access to our childcare program and Jenna can receive the support of our Young Parent Outreach Worker. She may move into our supportive housing where she can start to rebuild her life in our community. She may also receive support from our Brain Injury program when she realizes that she has sustained an injury from the repeated abuse. Our services and programs will support Jenna – there is no wrong door at The Cridge Centre.
Jenna doesn’t have to be afraid or hopeless or alone anymore. She has The Cridge Centre for the Family standing with her as she starts her journey toward health, safety, and stability.
By Marlene Goley, Manager of Cridge Transition House and Outreach Services
Young moms find Nicole and the Cridge Young Parent Outreach Program in lots of different ways. Many are referred early in their pregnancies from midwives, nurse practitioners, or family doctors. They are often alone, unsure of their future and how they will care for a new baby. Nicole reassures, connects them to resources, and helps them with whatever it is they need to be ready to face the daunting responsibilities ahead of them. Others have known Nicole for a while and have stayed connected or re-connect when they need a supportive hand through another pregnancy.
However, they find Nicole, whatever the help they need, the connection they make with Nicole is truly special. Nicole has been requested to be present at births or been called to be one of the first visitors when a new baby arrives. She spent a lot of the Christmas holidays in the maternity ward at the hospital. Two young moms had babies on December 25 and another on December 27. These were followed by births in February, March, and April! All these new babies were received with joy and love. Nicole was able to celebrate these births with the new moms. And for some, she has been able to help them go through with the hard decision to give their baby to an adoptive family.
The stories about the young moms in The Cridge Young Parent Outreach Program are all about the resiliency, courage, and love that is so evident when they launch safe, stable lives for themselves and their children – and is just as evident from the very beginning.
We are so blessed to be included in these precious lives.
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The Cridge Centre for the Family
1307 Hillside Avenue,
Victoria, B.C. Canada V8T 0A2